DAY 012: Foreshadowing the suck【DADBOD.REHAB】

Foreshadowing the suck

We have two days left before the minicamp! Tomorrow, DAY 013, we’ll be doing some physical exericises to get a rough read of your baseline fitness level as it pertains to the D.E.R.P., from which we will derive your individualized plan for the minicamp.

That means this is the last day to cover everything else!

Luckily, though, we’ve already covered it. D.I.C.K. and R.E.V.I.E.W. cover everything you need to do for the minicamp.

You’ll continue to record everything you eat and drink, and all significant exercise, from now until at least the end of the minicamp. Unless you don’t actually have a dadbod, and are just doing this program for fun — in which case you have a perverse and unfathomable sense of “fun” — you are going to have to keep doing that for a while.

Once the camp starts, you will also have to work out, performing a minimum level of physical activity. We’ll tell you what to do, but you have to figure out when to do it. Expect it to take about one hour every day, 6 days a week. If you are calendar-type person, block that time out in your calendar.

Training schedule

• Allocate one hour per day.
  • But, it can be 60 minutes straight, one 40 minute segment and one 20 minute segment, two 30 minute segments, or three 20 minute segments. 20 minutes at a time is the minimum.
• For this first training camp, you won’t need to travel. You might have to leave your home, depending on your choices tomorrow and on DAY 015 (the first day of the minicamp), but you will at least be able to start at home.

You will not have to reduce how much you eat/drink for this first camp. But don’t get used to that — if you actually want to rehabilitate that dadbod, there is no way around it. You will have to limit your caloric intake to a certain level for every subsequent camp. But for this first one, just writing down what you ingest is enough.

Expect it to suck

The other thing to know about the minicamp is that it’s going to suck, especially if you haven’t been doing any kind of training before starting DADBOD.REHAB. It always sucks, in the beginning, when you start training from an out-of-shape state after a long period of not training.

But this first camp sucks even more than that, because it is boring. It won’t even be that physically challenging, but it won’t be any of the fun types of training, either, unless you are the really unusual person that likes doing push ups and jumping rope.

That’s by design, too, though. The first camp is designed to be easy — jut hard enough to be a real training stimulus — and also boring. But during the camp, we’ll be figuring out what types of more interesting training are a better fit for you. When you finish the minicamp, one of the rewards is that you’ll know that

• you can do a training camp, even when it sucks and is boring, and therefore:

  • you can certainly do a training camp that is more tailored to what you like (or at least, don’t hate), and therefore:

    • you can definitely lose the body fat you need to get rid of, whether that’s 10, 20, or even 50 pounds, and
    • replace some of that greasy white slime with 5, 10, or even 20 pounds of muscle

And when you’ve done that, you are going to feel fucking great. Relative to how you feel right now, this minute. However the fuck you feel, it isn’t as good as you will feel with a stronger, fitter body.

(Sure you’ll look better too, but we don’t give a shit about that. We can’t even see you.)

When you’re fat and out of shape, going out early on a Saturday morning and trail running up a mountain, or hitting the weight room, or whatever — that all sounds like shit. And it even feels like shit, too, when you do it.

But once the body becomes fit, it has its own demands — the doing of those things (or whatever your thing is, could be swimming, biking, whatever) feels good, and not doing it starts to sound like shit.

Er, OK, enough rah-rah shit. That’s all true as fuck, but not really what DADBOD.REHAB is all about. You’ll get all that awesome stuff once you get through this program.

SO DROP DOWN AND GIVE ME TWENTY, YOU MAGGOTS!! Oh, wait, we got a little bit ahead of ourselves. Can’t be saying shit like that until you’ve signed up for the premium tier.

In conclusion, just to lay our cards on the table: what we are trying to do here is to manipulate you in the following ways:

• set expectations:

  • we note that the two-week minicamp is going to suck and not actually be fun, so you sort of steel yourself mentally — its the kind of thing where the fun part is the finishing and not the doing

• add motivation:

  • we remind you that it is only two weeks, though, and that it is actually fairly easy (implying that you are really kind of a lame-ass if you fail to do it, how embarrassing that would be)
  • we provide the image of a small, near reward if you do make it (better/more fun/less-bad training camps, a taste of the improved feeling of a fitter body)

• instill purpose:

  • we invoke the grand vision of the successful future that you will definitely achieve in the long run if you just do these small simple steps, over and over, slowly and methodically

Did we succeed in manipulating you in those ways? Well, who the fuck knows? Not us — perhaps not even you.

We’re anyway working backwards from the known outcome — if you complete this program, it works — to try to boost the probability of the unknown outcome — will you complete this program?

There’s only one way to find out!

And it starts with you showing up here tomorrow. See you then.

think for a moment about what adjustments to your daily routine you'll need to make to ensure you have an hour per day for training
Daily: D.I.C.K. — write down everything you eat, BEFORE you eat it, and briefly review the list after the day is complete
Daily: R.E.V.I.E.W. — write down all the exercise you do (if any), BEFORE you do it, and then mark it completed AFTER you do it